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Saturday, 04 August 2007

Currently Listening
The Independent LP
do it again
see related
[poop]

mood: confused.

so today..i just feel like poop...or just "blah"..
hard to explain...cause i have a lot of energy, but i still feel like crap.
hah. it's a weird mix, that's for sure.

i'm FINALLY home from practice...took the long way home..didn't wanna come back. =]
i'm SO tired of practicing the same stuff over and over again..but gotta do it again tomorrow..ugh. all day.
oh well. guess that's just part of it..we got a lot of our vocal stuff perfected..so that's good.
but we leave for competition on tuesdayyyyyyyyy...yessss...so happy to leave. lol.
but yeah.

i'm not really in a talkative or typing mood.
so i'm gonna go clean my room. yay.
it sure as heck needs it. lol.
[b]

Friday, 03 August 2007

Currently Listening
Hairspray (Soundtrack to the Motion Picture)
i know where i've been
see related
[been a few days...]

mood: whatever

it's been a few days since all of that happened...
it's been hard...but nothing i can't get through.
my friends have really helped the most with all of this.
i've started to move on, and i guess that's just for the best.

nothing else really going on right now..
national competition is next week..i'm REALLY ready to go.
ready to get away from this chaotic house for a few days & be with my closest friends.
it's going to be a whole lot of fun this year...i can't wait for tuesday to get here so i can leave =]

tomorrow is a full day for me.
i'm going to leave the house about 10:15 and run by walmart
just to see how much the hairspray soundtrack is =]
and then going to church until 5PM...
yeahhh...lots of practices...
11-1 is puppet team
1-3 is large human video practice
3-5 is worship team practice..
i don't know when i'm getting lunch..i might leave puppet practice early and run by mickey dee's or something.
but then i get to come home..do some chores and hopefully some laundry
and then...i don't know what. haha. soo...yeah. lots to do.
then i'll probably be at church all day sunday for last minute practices...fun stuff.

um.
last night i went and saw "hairspray" with my friend kristina.
it was AMAZING. we wanted to stay and see it again..it was sooooo good.
i definitely am going to buy it when it comes out..
and i'm of course getting the soundtrack soon, hopefully =]

yeahh..
that's about it.
i'm not really feeling any emotions right now.
excited, but not really...happy, but not really...tired, but not really..
just kind of a little mix of everything i guess...
hard to explain. but i AM doing better.

well.
i'm going now.
[b]

Monday, 30 July 2007

Currently Listening
End of Silence
By Red
let go
see related
[wow.]

mood: extremely disappointed.

now i know why i've been so sick at my stomach the past three days.
long story. not going to elaborate.
just know that brian is like every other guy.
seems like i'll never find "THE ONE"
not if they keep turning out like this.
i thought he was perfect for me.
i thought god put him in my life for something.
i thought he cared about me.

yeah.
i think a lot of things.
apparently most of it's not true.
[b]

Saturday, 28 July 2007

Currently Listening
Dawn Escapes
By Falling Up
cascades
see related
[having to look over my shoulder...]

mood: worried.

i hate when something happens...and it leaves you in a constant worry
thinking about what's going to happen next, and when it's going to happen.

seems like a lot of that's been happening lately..and it's getting on my nerves.
almost like i have to look over my shoulder every 5 seconds.
you know like, when you're at home alone...and you can SWEAR that you hear someone behind you
and you turn around and no one's there...i've felt that way spritually here lately.
and i feel like my every single move is being watched..and i'm being followed.
i honestly think it's just the devil messing with my head...but it's like they're waiting to attack
when i get to my weak point. before a few weeks ago when our youth group was getting
into the holy spirit and having amazing services, it was like i was just going through a motion
i was "playing" church as some like to call it...and i was slipping into my old habits.
it's just that whatever this thing is...it's just waiting for me to fall again.

i don't know.
it's just bothering me right now..
i've tried to pray it off...but it's still there. it's hard to explain.

--------------------

but in other news today..brian's last day at camp is today...so maybe i'll be getting a call soon =]
i've missed him a lot...i just hope my car situation works out so i can go see him in chatt town.
i really need a car right now. it would help me out a lot around here. i hate having to rely on others
to get me from place to place when it's inconvenient for my parents too.
i don't like having to ask people and keep reminding them over and over that i am, in fact, car-less.
oh well..i'm trusting that god's got it all under control.

haha. i never realized how random my posts were.
but i guess they've always been this way.
i guess i'm done for now.
[b]

Friday, 27 July 2007

Currently Listening
Fighting Instinct
By Fighting Instinct
back to you
see related
[excited]

mood: excited.

today...i'm just thinking about everything that's about to happen soon.
and it makes me really excited...i can't wait..
it's about 10 days before i go to national fine arts for the first time in two years.
i really missed it last year, but i know that i'll make up for it this year. =]

and of course, the whole brian situation...
i just know that he's the person i'm supposed to be dating right now..
and that's weird, because i've never felt half of these emotions before.
i actually know that he cares about me, and when he says that i'm beautiful,
i actually feel that i am...which is crazy, because i never have.
i still get those butterflies when he texts me and his name shows up.
and i still sit there in disbelief when he makes me smile.
it still all seems like a dream...that i never want to wake up from.
i'm definitely ready for him to be home so i can hear his voice again.
and i'm more than ready to see him in person again...
i've been waiting for his hug..and to see that smile again...i really am.
and it's really hard to explain, but everything about him just lines up with
everything i look for in a guy...even down to the retarded stuff.
and while it scares me, it also makes me wonder about some other things..
i'm sooooo excited to see what happens with that. haha.

haha. anyways. i could go on FOREVER about him. trust me.

another thing i've been really excited about is in our youth group.
the past 4 or 5 services have been AMAZING. like, seriously.
it seems like it's only getting better and better everytime i step foot in that room.
we're all so on-fire for god, and i'm ready to see what he's going to do in us.
i'm ready to start ministering to other people..and i'm ready to see the group grow.
it's grown a lot in just the past two years that i've been there, but i have a feeling
that we're going to have so many youth in there that we won't know what to do with them.
ahhhhh. but yeah. god's been dealing with me a lot in some different areas
and i've become closer to him in the process. i'm really just extremely excited about it all.
i'm ready to move on to even more amazing things...and i know it's going to happen.

but yeah...i guess that's about all for now.
i'm just excited. haha.
and i don't know what to do with myself.
[b]